I’ve learned that you can only write about things you’ve learned.
so, every once in a while, I have to take a break: I have to take the time to learn, before I can write about the things I have learned.
something I’ve been learning a LOT about lately is love. I know I’ll be learning how to love people my whole life, but it feels like I’ve been learning an extra amount about how to love people the way God calls us to.
I think, consciously, people know that they should love without the expectation of having it returned. I know I did. I thought I “knew” what loving really was, but in reality, I didn’t. I’d never needed to love someone without eventually having that love reciprocated.
but lately, I’ve been learning what it means to love without necessarily having that love returned – it’s hard, and it requires more humility than I had…..I had to get some more. it required tears and strength and some patience and a heart that was raw and open with God.
sometimes those beautiful, kind things you do, don’t get discovered and never get noticed. you never get rewarded. there’s no celebration over what you did. maybe the person will never know what you did for them, or worse; they know, but they just don’t care that it was hard for you. they think they deserved even more than you gave. and what is more painful than offering a piece of your heart to a person who tells you it’s not enough?
I have faced this pain, and it is bitter and harsh. it cut me open and my own intentions spilled out, and I saw it for what it was – loving to manipulate. loving so that people would WANT to do what I wanted. it was selfish and fearful and cold.
so, of course, I did the only logical thing to do; uproot the selfishness and kill it.
God was going to teach me how to love without return.
so now, here I am; making a decision that could affect the course of my own life and risk things I care about, and I’m afraid but willing to do it. but I’m not doing it for me….I’m doing it for them. because it’s what’s best for the person I love. because they need to grow and change and become the person God designed them to be.
because it’s not about me.
but there is ONE reward in all of this. the greatest reward you could ever receive.
God promises to reward what we do in secret. when we love ninja-style, when no one else sees our acts of kindness and compassion, God loves that the most! because it requires so much courage and trust in God. while other ways of loving do too, the one with no immediate, earthly reward is one of the hardest. because there is no instant gratification – we have to wait until we enter heaven to receive the most beautiful gift.
I know that one day, God will reward me for what I do for Him while I’m on this earth…
so, in the meantime,
I will love.
like a ninja.