The one

At the end of Doug’s fall break, I took him to the little Starbucks at the corner of Grand and Dilley’s. While I was sipping my chai tea and he was chugging his coffee, he asked me a question.


“Do you believe God designs ‘the one’ for us?”


I set my cup down.


“No, I don’t.”


Doug’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? Why?”


“Well, God gave us the freedom of choice, right?”




“So isn’t that a choice? Why would God allow us to make all other choices, but take one of the most important choices we could make away from us and assign us to a random person?”


He shrugged and picked up his coffee. “But doesn’t God do predestination and stuff?”


“Well, yeah. But I think that means He knows what we’re going to do before we do it, not that He makes the decision for us.”


So many people spend their lives waiting for “the one”, and to be frank, I don’t understand it. Why would we think that God has assigned us to one person somewhere in the world, when every other choice is ours? Where in the Bible does it say that?


I swear, we come up with the weirdest stuff.


Sometimes I understand the appeal, though. Life would be so much easier if our partners were assigned. All we have to do is figure out who, and then we’re set for life. But if we choose, we own all the responsibility of getting together and breaking up – no more excuses like “you just weren’t the one” or “I don’t think you’re the one God has planned for me”. If there’s “the one”, we can shirk responsibility off to God. If we blame God, others have to accept it, right?


But then, think about how beautiful and brave it is if we choose for ourselves. We wouldn’t love them because they’re “the one” for us, we’d love them because we chose them. We love them because we love who they are, not because they’re just the person we’re assigned to. It becomes personal, intimate. You didn’t have to, but you chose them.

Because she makes you laugh more than anybody. Because his smile does something weird to the pit of your stomach. Because her food tastes like heaven and she can beat you in chess any day. Because the way his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves makes you love it too. Because she gives the best hugs.


One day I hope to marry a man who is wise and brave and everything I’m not, and I want to look him in the eye and say I’m not marrying you because I think you’re the one, I’m marrying you because I want you. I could live without you, but I’d rather be with you. Today and forever.

This is for you, love.

I choose you.


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