I keep thinking, who am I to offer any sort of wisdom when my own life looks so screwed up right now? There’s no way I have any right to tell you how I think you should live your life, or how I have it all figured out.
Because really, my life is a mess.
These past few weeks I have been in survival mode. Some days have been pretty okay; other days I’m constantly holding the tears at bay. The burden and discomfort and realizing my life isn’t what I thought it was takes its toll, and by 9pm I’m ready to throw myself on my bed and cry. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve done that every day this week.
But somehow, despite all the crap, I have never lived a season of life that has been so vibrant and full. I have wonderful, amazing friends that have shown up in my fear, took my hand, and told me I was brave when I felt like a little girl inside. They have invited me into their hearts and homes, and let me be part of their family when I didn’t feel like I had one. I have never prayed so desperately, loved so recklessly, spoken so honestly, needed God so badly.
Last night I did one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and afterwards I went out for dinner with one of my best friends. As we sat there, I marveled at the absolute brokenness and beauty, combined in one evening, side by side. How beautiful that we would celebrate something so painful.
How characteristic of God that He would take delight in our vulnerability.
I have never been so broken, yet I have never felt more free.
So, to you, my friend: it is in the pain, the darkness, that God makes His most beautiful creations visible.
Keep treading water just a little longer.