who holds the steering wheel?

I am a very stubborn person. when I get in my mind that I want (or don’t want) something to happen, I will do quite a bit to make sure that it goes exactly the way that I planned it would. sometimes this can be gently rephrased as “perseverance” or “patience” or “determination”, but mostly it’s just being stubborn. 


which I do often.


I imagine that God laughs when He listens to me tell Him all about my plans for the future, what I will MAKE happen, no matter the cost. He quietly rolls His eyes when I vent about people who I will never associate with again, or people that I assume will not be a part of my future, because from my little lens they never will be.


then He goes and changes everything, just to make a point.


when I break down in tears, amazed by God’s plan that is infinitely more beautiful and perfect, I can feel God’s whisper tickling the back of my neck, “My plan is so much bigger, better, and all-knowing than yours. just let Me do My job.”


I know in my brain that you’re supposed to let God have control and follow Him in your life. but getting that message into my heart? well, that’s a different story. it’s so easy to say that you’re “letting God write your story” or “giving God the steering wheel”, but it’s a different case entirely to actually submit control to the God who is bigger than our solar system. 


to give your heart to the God of hurricanes and tsunamis. 


what if I don’t want my life to become some whirlwind of Your glory, Lord? what if I just want a cozy little story, God? CAN’T I JUST HAVE THAT?


then it strikes me.


once again, like all other things…..


it’s not about me.


my own life isn’t about me.


it’s all about God! even my little life is about giving Him the glory, in all circumstances. so, if God turns my story into a girl who was shot for being a Christian, do I still give Him the glory? if I knew that God planned for my life to end next week, would I still let my life be about Him?


or would I make it all about me?


I pray that I wouldn’t.


and I pray that you don’t.


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