I didn’t think I believed in soul mates.
Theoretically, logically, intelligently, it just doesn’t make sense. There’s no evidence to arouse suspicion that we were ever wired for only one person on this entire planet. And with the probability, there’s zero chance of so many people being as happily married as they are if there was only one person out of a billion that they could be happy with.
But she makes me second guess myself.
And even if I still don’t believe in soul-mate-lovers, I’m starting to wonder if there’s such a thing as soul-mate-friends. Because she is a soul mate. A kindred spirit. A part of my soul.
She makes me believe in mystery, in a world and a God bigger than us. Because we’re so similar in all the ways we need to be to speak our language and so different in the ways that teach us how to embrace those we don’t understand. Sure, we disagree on a bunch of things, but that doesn’t matter because I love her no matter what she thinks.
She’s woven in and around the framework of the last ten years of my life and boy, I couldn’t be more thankful to have a soul-friend who speaks my language and knows where I’ve been. Because she reminds me of where I came from when I take for granted where I am now. She extends grace to me when I don’t give grace to myself, and she’ll slap me across the head if I need it. (And goodness knows, there are days when I need it.)
All this to say, I don’t know if I believe in soul mates, but I sure do believe in her. And she’s as close to a soul-mate as they get.
It almost scares me to love her so much because I think Lord, what will I do if I lose her? But I know as long as we’re both on the same planet, we’ll be together. It’ll be alright.
God knows I need her, and she’s been there through the hardest nights of my life but I just have to trust–trust that some people come into your life and don’t plan on walking out again. If she was planning on leaving, she would have gone a long time ago.
And maybe with some kinds of love, only death will do us part.
She turns 21 today, and I can’t help but reminisce a little. The girl who hopped a train with me just because, who woke up at 4am to watch the sun rise over our beach, who laughs at every joke and knows how to read my silences just right; Katrina, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before. You show me that I have a greater capacity to love than I ever would have known without you. Thank you.
And there’s a reason why I haven’t written much about you before now: because words don’t do justice to how I feel about you. That you’re the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I want to talk to at night. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’m so glad I have you to journey through life with.
Thank you for so many things, for the stuff I’ve said here and for the stuff I haven’t. You really are a gem, Katrina Nicole. I hope you know that.
Have a glass of champagne for me tonight. I’m thinking of you, over here across the country.
Love, love, love you.