After my last post about refusing to be numb anymore and choosing to feel, I got so many Facebook messages and emails asking how I’m doing and how life is going. And it was sweet, really, to know so many people cared. If that was you, I so appreciate that you want me to have people I can talk to. Thank you.
I love you for doing that, but I think it’s time to let you know:
That’s not why I write.
I don’t write because no one hears me in real life, because that’s not even true- I have my core group of people, my team, who I could call if I ever needed to really talk. The thing is, my people know what’s going on before I write about it. This is not some sort of online diary that I know will be read. This is not some sort of unspoken plea to be seen or heard.
I write because it’s part of my process- I think, I talk, I write. Every once in a while I can write before I can talk, but usually the writing is the result of the talking. I write because there’s something in my gut that takes a look at my life and pulls at a loose thread and says time to write, baby girl. Sometimes I write about things that have been long resolved, just because it’s time to write about them. Sometimes I write about my life out of order- no timeline is set in stone.
All this to say, this is no journal. This is not a place where you’ll find Hannah Unplugged. You’ll find Hannah Unplugged at 2am sitting on the couch with a box of tissues, constantly blowing her nose from laughing so hard she cried. You’ll find Hannah Unplugged on the phone spilling her worry and fear-filled guts. You won’t find her here.
Truthfully, you won’t find her anywhere on the internet. Because my relationships are full and 3-dimensional and far too big and awesome to get squeezed into a computer screen. I write because I want to speak up about the things I’ve been taught to keep quiet about, to stand on a street corner and bang my pots and pans and shout “TIME TO TALK SOME REAL SHIT, Y’ALL.” And my dream is for you to do the same: for this to inspire you to hit the streets and get real with the people you love off the computer screen, to create tangible relationships with each other and stretch out a hand to the people you’re crazy about.
And me? Well, I’ll keep doing the same.