I’m afraid I’ve been unclear.
When I write about heartstrings and courage, it might be easy to misunderstand.
When I write about loving oneself well, it might be easy to call that selfishness. When I talk about saying the hard things, it might be easy to call that unkind. When I talk about feelings, it might be easy to think me childish.
I don’t think we should always act on how we feel. Maybe because it’s not the right place, or the right moment, or the right reasons. I don’t tell you to always act on how you feel, but I do say please, don’t be ashamed of yourself for feeling it. Shame forces us into silence, tells us we’re less-than for feeling the way we do, pushes us into shoving our feelings under the bed, and we end up bitter and we don’t know why.
Here’s the thing about emotions: I get the feeling that we’re told, often, that emotions are distractions and they strip us of our ability to make clear-headed decisions. We’re a very logic-based culture. I don’t like this belief, because I don’t believe it’s accurate. When you tune in to yourself, learn how you respond to certain situations and why, you arm yourself with the knowledge of how you respond to social interactions and decision making. That may seem unimportant, but I promise you it’s not. When you choose to partner up with your emotions rather than disregard them, you’re capable of both relating to the emotion in others and making well-informed decisions based on what you know you want for your life. Really, by choosing only one way or the other when you can have both, you’re short-handing yourself.
It’s always important to know how you feel and why you feel it. Anything you do from there is a conscious choice to act (or not act) on a certain feeling, and that choice is up to you. I’m not saying go out and have sex tonight because you want it, but I AM saying please, don’t be ashamed of the fact that you want sex. You’re not the only one, or the sluttiest one, or less than the girl who seems to have it all together with her v-card completely intact. You’re human, just like the rest of us. Don’t beat yourself up when you could be extending love and compassion to your hurting, lonely soul. If the rest of us deserve love then certainly, so do you.
But maybe you’re afraid of feeling. Maybe you’re afraid of unleashing the dam, and I totally get that. Ugh! Scary. But girl, you’ve got to do this, because another hour on Pinterest or another glass of wine isn’t going to wash away your sadness. The only way to make it go away is to sit in it for a little while. Don’t run away, baby. Put your best dress on and sit in your puddle and talk or cry or paint your nails or whatever you need to do to keep yourself still, but girl, don’t run away. The tin can is still attached to your tail, running isn’t gonna do you any good. You gotta stop long enough to figure out how to take it off.
So please, please, take your heart seriously. Let all the feelings run over you like a waterfall. Catch each drop, hold it up to the light.
And. Live. It.